When was the last time you wished for more hours in a day, days in a week, etc…feeling like there is just never enough time?
In my last two posts I talked about time and here I am doing it again. That was not the plan. Nevertheless it is my subject again.
This past week in my desire to do my best and be my best and learn and apply what I’ve learned and grow and share….. I felt pressure. I felt pressed for time. I felt hurried. I felt rushed. I felt crushed, I felt paralyzed….
In the midst of that my husband questioned what was driving me. I answered him but I was not happy with my answer. It felt like an excuse or a defense instead of a reason or heart desire. I had lost my inner rest. I was trying so hard I hurt myself – again.
Trying so hard I hurt myself is something I have fallen into many times.
Have you ever done that? Do you even know what I mean?
I remember the first time I recognized I was doing that. It was many years ago when I lived in the land of beating myself up internally. I was on a ladies softball team and had a bad attitude. My perception was that I sucked at it because I fell short of my self-requirements. One day at practice I was up to bat and if willpower alone could do it I would have hit a grand slam. However, the will power went internal and as I swung the bat I apparently twisted my body in some strange way pulling a ligament in my inner thigh. I don’t remember what exactly happened next. (I have learned that pain can cause us to blackout or loose memory.) What I do remember is the pain was unbearable and with tears running down my face in shame I limped to my car to go home. Driving was difficult. When I got home I fell on my bed and sobbed. The injury gave me a dark red bruise that ran from the inside of my knee to my groin. People told me it was not possible for me to hurt myself batting. My leg said differently.
That soft ball injury left a mark on my soul also. It opened my eyes to my weakness and that is a good thing because you cannot change what you do not know. Now I knew something and change was very necessary. It has taken a long time to grow on that subject. I have thought numerous times that I have learned and mastered it – that I no longer try so hard that I hurt myself. I mean I Emerged With Wings right??
Well I have caught myself this past week doing it again. I have been studying so hard and trying so hard to follow the directions of numerous helpful people that….I hurt myself. I stressed myself out. I don’t want to do that. It’s not good for me. It’s not good for anyone.
Learning is a good thing. Working toward a goal is commendable. Even hard work can be good. But excess is not productive. It is destructive. We need to take time to relax and breathe, to marinate new information. We are not robots that can download data into our minds and instantaneously apply it with perfection.
I have gathered so much information and it seems I tried to be a robot instead of a human. So I am “late” with the weekly post I said I would provide in the post And Then It Was The Next Day… I had planned to post every Monday. It was a nice plan. However I need to give myself more time to let the new things sink in. Maybe you need to give yourself a break too? We humans are capable of so much but we need to remember we are born to be masterpieces of The Pursuer, not paint by numbers of our own making. The Pursuer is an amazing artist.
“A masterpiece does not unfurl its wings immediately.
It takes time. It will fly when it is ready.”
– A. D. Posey
Butterflies do not come out of their cocoons and do “nothing”. It might look like it at first. However they need to sit still for a time because their wings are not ready immediately. They need that time to prepare for their mission in life. Likewise I need to let my wings unfurl in their timing, taking flight when ready. I will keep my nice plan of posting weekly but I will give myself grace. In time, I will fly.
I know am not alone. Life can get crazy at times. We all need grace.
We all need to take time to relax and breathe. Take a minute and Just Breathe
Being overwhelmed is often as unproductive as doing nothing, and is far more unpleasant. Being selective and taking more intelligent action is really the path to high productivity.
But he replied, “My gift of undeserved grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (CEV)
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