Many people have lost their sense of value, or self-worth, due to trauma. This makes loving their “self” next to impossible. This loss of self-worth, also referred to as low self-esteem is a huge problem in the world.
According to Psychology Today, 85% of people worldwide (adults and adolescents) have low self-esteem. Statistics link this to violent behavior, suicide, teen pregnancy, and low academic achievement.
According to the NBC News this translates into loss of up to 1.12 million dollars over a course of a forty year career.
Clearly the lack of self-worth steals the abundant life God wants you to enjoy.
But there’s hope. You can reclaim your sense of self-worth, love yourself and thrive in life.
I struggled for a long time with no self-worth. Loving my “self” was something I thought was wrong, even sinful.
Now I see my value, have reclaimed my self-worth and have learned how to love my “self” like God loves and values me.
Trauma creates obstacles to seeing your value and loving yourself.
Failing to own your value keeps you from achieving your potential and enjoying your life. —Danielle Bernock (Because You Matter)
OBSTACLES
The obstacles created by trauma are found within us. This makes it both easier and harder to overcome.
Easier because they’re inside you. This means you have the power to take action where others can’t.
Harder because they’re not as readily seen as a physical thing.
But as one who has been through them all and reclaimed my worth and self-love, let me reveal them to you.
- Perception– You have a perception of who you are due to your trauma. How you perceive things is skewed by what has happened to you, or what people have said to you. Because of this you see your “self” as bad, damaged or less than.
- Beliefs– You believe the lie that paying attention to your “self” is wrong or sinful.
- Blindness– You don’t see the inherent God-given value in your “self “and evaluate your worth in comparison to others.
- Lies– You’ve been sold a bill of goods about what “self” is and its role in life — especially by the church.
- Shame – Shame is an insidious side-effect of trauma with no basis in the truth. You are not to blame for your trauma.
I struggled with all of these for years.
There’s a verse in the Bible that tripped me up and fed those obstacles. It talks about dying to self. When I heard it, I believed it invalidated my existence. I felt like God wanted to annihilate who I was. I was wrong.
God is for you, not against you, no matter what anyone has told you.
You can overcome any obstacle with God’s help.
Failing to own your value keeps you from achieving your potential and enjoying your life. —Danielle Bernock (Because You Matter) Click To Tweet
YOU CAN OVERCOME
I overcame my obstacles by learning the truth. All the obstacles were overturned by it.
Granted it took quite a while, but two things I want you to know.
- No matter how long it takes, it’s worth it. You’re worth it.
- God will help you, and never give up on you.
I struggled for the words in how to explain how I broke out of the lies to see my worth. In my first book I wrote it calling it a puzzle piece named identity.
Identity — I kept picking up this one piece thinking it fit but it didn’t. Growing up I looked into numerous broken mirrors to identify who I was. Some passive, some aggressive but none free. The Pursuer apprehended me for freedom. I didn’t understand so in my previous mode of operation I looked to the authorities I perceived had the power for them to tell me who I was. I heard I had to die to self and be dead in Christ but then I was gonna live but then not I but it was Christ who would live. What the heck does that mean? I did not understand where “I” went if indeed “I” was allowed to exist. But if I was not allowed to exist then why did he bother to do anything? Many times I would be told that my identity was Christ. Either they didn’t understand what I was asking or I didn’t understand what they were telling me. It was erasing me and somehow that seemed wrong. I had tried to do that myself and knew it was wrong. A way The Pursuer helped me to understand was using the word “hidden.” Have you ever hidden something to protect it because it was such an important thing? Have you ever seen a person hide a child behind them to protect them from danger of some sort? Those are the pictures he gave me. I am me, created by him with unique traits and quirks that I get to discover and identify. When I ask him about them he teaches me how they work, what they are for. No one else is like me. Likewise, no one else is like you. We are like snowflakes. Unique by design and glistening by his glory. This is my favorite piece, for I am WE — perfect in him and never alone. (Emerging With Wings Chapter 12: Puzzle Pieces)
Now I understand that I not only have the right to exist — I’m important and I matter!
YOU are important and YOU matter! Your “self” matters!
Yes, it’s true you’re not perfect. But part of reclaiming your self-worth is embracing who you are, even your imperfections.
You are valuable and worthy of love — just how you are, as is.
God is Love and will empower you to overcome and internalize the truth.
Loving your life because it’s precious to God honors Him.—Danielle Bernock (Because You Matter) Click To Tweet
WHO ARE YOU?
Who are you is a question we ask ourselves in a berating way. It’s a question that others taunt us with when attacking our value. Knowing the true answer is freeing.
- YOU are a wonderfully imperfect creation of God and a most vital human.
- YOU are a treasure chest of gifts, talents, likes, dislikes, quirks, and possibilities. Even if you don’t think so.
- YOU are amazing, and the object of God’s affection. He loves you even if you don’t love him because he considers you valuable. He desires to be connected to you so He loves you first.
- YOU are more powerful than you know. Reclaiming your self-worth and loving yourselfis within your power. Decision and choice are gifts God put inside you. This power resides in your “self”.
These are good reasons to reclaim your self-worth and love your “self”. Doing so not only will feel good, and change your life. It also honors God.
Your self-worth and love for yourself is rightfully yours to reclaim.
Loving your life because it’s precious to God honors Him.—Danielle Bernock (Because You Matter)
START RECLAIMING YOUR WORTH
You reclaim your worth by changing how you see your “self” through a process. Out with the lies, and in with the truth.
How long the process takes for you to reclaim, fully feel your worth, and love yourself depends on many things.
But you can start reclaiming it with a choice.
Daring to believe you are worthy of love and choose to love YOU.
Reclaiming your worth, and learning to love yourself, who you are, is through a process called self-care. Self-care is about caring for the wonderful person you are. Nurturing your well-being.
There is a vast difference between being self-centered and honoring who you are. True self-care is honorable. It’s much deeper than going to get a massage or taking a nap. (Although those are nice and sometimes needed.)
True self-care is dealing with the things that make up your “self”: your mind, emotions, will, spirit, relationships, choices, and more. Good self-care goes deep.
You can start at any moment to reclaim your worth with self-care and start loving yourself.
START NOW
Here are some Free downloads to help you. Take what you like.
- Getting started with self-care and Self-care checklist download.
- Dare to believe your value and worth affirmation download.
- How God will never give up on you: print or audio.
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I am we – that’s really interesting…
Thank you