Patience is one of those things we want but find ourselves lacking. We marvel when we witness someone being genuinely patient. Some people pray for patience, while others warn against doing so.

I’ve given some thought to this thing called patience, and in my contemplations, I’ve noticed some things about patience that I missed before. One thing was obvious, but it still escaped me.

I knew it was the first thing listed in the famous love chapter in the Bible: love is patient, love is kind…yet I failed to take note of it. It’s the first thing.

Patience is the first of the many qualities of love. I knew this, but didn’t at the same time. Then I got a “revelation of the obvious,” and it sank in.

Patience isn’t just a thing we need. It’s not just a nice way to be. It’s not just something we ought to do as followers of Jesus.

Patience is an aspect of love.

That means that when I’m being impatient, I’m not being loving.

This made me want to develop patience because I want to love well. After this epiphany, the Spirit of Grace opened my eyes to God’s amazing patience. I felt the beauty of it.

I’d never connected beauty with patience before.

Then something happened.

My husband and I went on vacation to celebrate our anniversary. The second day there, after dinner, I fell and hurt myself: my hand, knee, and arm. I tended to the injuries and thought no big deal.

The following day, my hand was swollen but didn’t hurt enough for me to think it was broken, so I went ziplining after icing it.

The next day, the swelling was much worse, and the inner wrestling began.

I’m on vacation, and I don’t want to go to the doctor. But what if it’s broken? It can’t be broken, that’s silly. Am I being stubborn not to go to the doctor? Am I being stupid to think it’s not broken? What if I go and they think I’m a wuss, making a big deal out of nothing?

Boy oh Boy, it was intense. Old self-demanding thoughts fought with the self-care and kindness I’ve learned and taught. Shame showed up trying to take residence in me. I fought that as well.

I asked my husband what he thought, and he said it was up to me. But then the wisdom I needed came out of him. He told me that I wasn’t going to be able to let it go if I didn’t do something. He was right, and I went to urgent care.

The urgent care in Leesburg, Florida, exhibited more kindness and patience than I’ve ever experienced before at a doctor’s office.

X-rays were taken of my wrist/hand and my knee. I hadn’t even considered my knee needing attention. My injuries were validated, the diagnosis was no fractures, and I was released.

I was elated.

In the morning, I received a voicemail from the urgent care to call or come back about my X-rays. When I arrived, I was told the radiologist saw a nondisplaced fracture in my hand. The bone that connects to the pinky finger.

They offered a brace or a cast. I chose the brace and was able to enjoy our vacation.

After we got home, I went to an orthopedic doctor for follow-up as directed. Same outcome. Fracture and brace. Come back for a recheck and then to Occupational Therapy.

Between the doctor and the recheck, I felt it.

Impatience simmered. This was taking way too long. Ugh.

Then, once I started OT, other symptoms began. Tingling and pain. Mostly during the night. But, also, random. Inconsistent.

I hoped it was just part of the healing journey.

My hand therapist was puzzled. Maybe it was a new side effect from me trying too hard to heal. It’s happened to others.

Ugh, the thoughts – I’ve been there, I don’t want to be doing that! I don’t think I have. Have I?

That’s when it hit me.

I needed to choose to be patient with myself.

I remembered words from my counselor long ago when I impatiently lamented how long my inner healing journey was taking. She said, “Maybe it needs to take this long.”

I agree with her now.

Then I got sent back to the doctor. He validated my erratic symptoms, possible causes, with one being that it might just be my hand healing, and it will take time.

My mother tried to tell me this when I was a teenager. Things take time. I get it now.

I am committed to being patient with myself in this journey. But I also see patience differently.

Patience is love in action.

So what are we to do when we don’t want to be patient? See it differently.

Love is patient. It’s not an accident that it’s the first one listed. It’s the hardest one for us to internalize, but oh so rewarding when we do.

If we want to love ourselves, we need to be patient with ourselves. We need to see it as a beautiful part of self-care.

If we want to love others, we need to be patient with them – seeing it as something beautiful we get to do.

Are you on a journey and being impatient with yourself? Consider the thought “maybe it needs to take that long” and give yourself some grace.

The next word in the list is kind. Kindness goes well with patience. Both are love in action.

What now?

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