Anger is a powerful emotion. Although it does have a rightful place, sometimes it can be a problem. When anger starts rising inside you like a rocket shot into space, trouble is on the horizon.
Out of control anger is called rage and takes the ability to think rationally away from us.
Knowing how to calm yourself when anger rises will keep you from getting yourself into trouble.
I found myself in this situation one day when my computer froze. I’d just gotten it fixed and it made me angry, and the anger started to rise.
I needed to calm myself quickly before I lost control.
Out of control anger can ruin so many things.
Out of control anger can ruin so many things. Click To Tweet
WHAT MAKES ANGER RISE
Anger rises through provocation. Many times it’s something repetitive or consecutive.
In my case it was the latter.
My computer issue was just one of many in a string of negative things that took place over a months’ time. Irritations, aggravations, physical injuries, strange happenings and disappointments piled up.
When the computer thing happened it was like a fire alarm went off in my emotions. The kind that’s loud and has the accompanying flashing lights.
When a fire alarm goes off in a building people tend to freeze or panic. I had an emotional fire alarm going off inside me and I felt the inclination to both.
I needed to silence the emotional fire alarm going off inside me.
MY FIRST RESPONSE
I needed hope. I’d spent hours the day before on a writing project and hadn’t saved it on my exterior hard drive.
- I felt threatened with the danger of loss.
- I felt the panic rising alongside the anger.
- I felt the emotional surge of mind numbing endorphins trying to sweep me away from rational thinking.
I needed to ground myself. I needed an anchor. God is my anchor so I prayed.
I prayed for help. I didn’t know what help would look like but I believed God would help me.
Praying first gave me the hope I needed to quiet the emotional fire alarm within me making way for calm to return.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. —Psalm 46:1
A good first response to rising anger will interrupt the emotional surge with hope.
A good first response to rising anger will interrupt the emotional surge with hope. Click To Tweet
CALM YOUR BODY
Rising anger causes visceral feelings. Raging emotions of any kind affect our physical body. Being physically agitated will get in the way of solving a problem.
After I prayed I sought to physically calm myself.
I stopped what I was doing. I took intentional slow deep breaths. I walked away from the computer, away from the situation. I reminded myself this situation is not everything. No matter what happens I’ll be ok.
This helped to calm my body from the emotional agitation.
Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things. —Joyce Meyer
Calming my body helped me think straight so I could hear the help I’d prayed for.
DO WHAT YOU KNOW
Once the surge is slowed, and your body is calmer, you can think more clearly. Then it’s time to reach into your memory bank and look for solutions. Look for what you know and do that.
I did what I knew to unfreeze my computer.
- Pushed the esc button.
- Pushed control/alt/delete to call up the task manager.
- Tried to access the power controls to reboot.
- Pressed the off button to shut it off.
Nothing worked.
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. —Maya Angelou
Do what you know until you run out of options.
Every problem has a solution and calming yourself will help you find it. Click To Tweet
DON’T GIVE UP
When the problem isn’t solved and the anger is still threatening to rise resist the temptation to quit.
Quitting in the midst of anger is impulsive and may bring regret later.
- Pray again.
- Calm yourself again.
- Look for more solutions.
Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation. —Jack Nicklaus
Every problem has a solution and calming yourself will help you find it.
RESOLVE THE PROBLEM
There was a problem that incited the anger to rise. Lean into the calm and find a way to resolve the problem. This will also resolve the anger.
I kept looking for more solutions and found two. I liked one far better than the other.
- Find a way to reboot the computer and hope it will work again.
- Get a new computer.
I happened to be on the phone with someone while I was trying to calm the rising anger. They suggested I take the battery out forcing the computer to shut off. However, there was no guarantee it would start again.
I took their advice and it solved the computer problem. But that was no guarantee this wouldn’t happen again.
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm. —Willa Cather
In resolving a problem there’s always something to learn.
Trouble happens, and learning empowers you to be better prepared. Click To Tweet
LEARN FROM THE SITUATION
After the resolving the situation and your anger look back to learn. What did you have control over? What could you have done different? How can you avoid repeating the same situation?
There were reasons my anger got so intense in my situation.
Some things I had no control over. But other things I did.
If I had been better prepared by saving my work, the panic and fear of loss would not have occurred.
Two lessons I took away.
- Save my work every time.
- Look into buying a new computer.
Everyone gets angry at times. Remember to give yourself grace and learn what you can.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. —Jesus
Trouble happens, and learning empowers you to be better prepared.
WHAT NOW
- If you’ve beaten yourself up for losing your temper read this article.
- Anger issues are one of many side-effects of childhood trauma. Take this Free Assessment and see how much your childhood is affecting you now.
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This was really helpful. Thanks.
You’re welcome. Happy to help.