I made myself more vulnerable than I had ever done before. I will never forget the moment. Sitting there, at my kitchen table, staring at my laptop. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and my hands were shaking.
I craved true connection, but I was terrified to the core.
But my craving won, and I did it.
One push of my index finger was all it took to change my life forever.
This was the moment I released my first book to the world. A memoir revealing my childhood trauma. Things I had hidden for years made public in the blink of an eye.
I never felt so naked in all my life.
I had no idea what this would do to my life.
But I was tired of hiding…tired of feeling invisible.
Can you relate?
My desire to stop being invisible and find true connection meant I had to do this. I had allow myself to become emotionally naked and expose the truth.
That desire motivated me.
Hours and hours of counseling, writing, editing, proofing, learning, applying and repeat. It took a grueling nineteen months and eight days to get from start to publish.
But it only took one second to cross the threshold of safely hiding in the dark of obscurity, into the light of utter exposure.
OH THE FEAR
I was afraid judgment sat waiting for me but I discovered it wasn’t.
Instead of judgment, I was introduced to a new me, that had been hiding behind a mask.
That same year my husband and I attended a Masquerade Ball. It was a fundraiser and black tie affair. We had never been to anything like this before.
I’m a blue jean kind of girl so it was significantly outside my comfort zone.
I donned the gown I had worn at my son’s wedding and placed the fancy store bought mask on my face.
It was surprising how that tiny mask felt like a wall of protection.
But it was a lie.
That mask offered no protection. Only a portion of my face was covered. My identity was not hidden nor did it make me powerful like some superhero. No, the only power the mask held was over my thoughts. How I perceived myself.
Which was precisely my problem.
I wasn’t just wearing a mask on my face – there was one on my heart.
NOT ALONE
I was reading three books at the time. All three of them dealt with the same issue – an internal mask.
The three books, Farewell to Mars, Daring Greatly and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality challenge the status quo. They talk about our INNER lives where we hide. How everyone does it to some extent but that’s not fully living. That’s not living in true connection.
The books all dared me to look inside, evaluate and grow. I took the dare and it changed my life.
So now I dare you.
I know it’s scary.
- Maybe you’re afraid of what you’ll find.
- Maybe you’re afraid of who you are.
- Maybe you’re afraid of how others will react.
I understand because I was afraid too.
Even though I was terrified, I took off the mask.
What is the mask?
- It is the projection of a false self.
- It is covering our authentic self with something we believe is wanted, expected, or required.
- It is the theater attire worn to perform for the sake of others or ourselves.
- It’s not real.
Do you wear a mask?
You are not alone. I wore my mask to project the good child I had been raised to be.
I learned how to take it off and you can too.
COURAGE
Before I took it off, I didn’t live a truly authentic life. Not really. It wasn’t that I was trying to live deceptively. It was that I was afraid. I was afraid of so much.
And on that day – May 7, 2014, I stood at the epic center of that fear.
I held my breath, and let courage help me take that step into unprecedented vulnerability releasing Emerging With Wings: A True Story of Lies, Pain, And The LOVE that Heals.
It felt like I stripped of all my clothing and ran naked around the world.
My greatest fear at the time was that someone would actually read my book and I would be publicly shamed and humiliated.
Quite the contrary happened.
People did read it. They liked it. It moved them in ways I had no idea it could. They laughed and they cried. So many people identified. I was shocked.
I thought about how I had tried so hard for so long to hide all my ugly parts. All my flaws.
In fear, I had donned the mask of what I was taught in regard to what others wanted to see, or expected of me.
It became my identity.
I lost myself.
In my book, I wrote…
I did not know the difference between who I was required to be and who I really was. Who I was, I did not see. All the mirrors were broken.
Since sharing my story I had to learn who I was apart from that mask.
Sometimes I’m the mess. Sometimes I’m the broom.
On the hardest days, I have to be both.
~Rudy Francisco
STAND IN THE LIGHT
By stepping into the light I learned it is ok to not be ok. I learned people just want to see the real me. And I’ve learned that if I want to be known and loved then I need to project my true self.
Just me. Vulnerable and genuine.
Vulnerability isn’t always easy, but I’ve gotten much better. I enjoy the true connection it yields.
Will everyone accept you? No. But that’s ok. God loves you. I love you. And you deserve to love yourself, and give others the opportunity to connect with who you really are.
So I dare you to stand in the light.
Why? Because the one who loves you most became vulnerable by donning a human body to demonstrate both the value and potential of mankind, The LOVE that Heals, accepts and loves us as we are, and encourages us to grow.
Everyone has the opportunity to wear a mask to hide who they are in an effort to protect themselves.
However, if you want to be known and then loved after you are known you cannot continue to don the mask.
What do you choose?
- Wear the mask that gives a perceived safety, but breeds loneliness.
- Take off the mask, be vulnerable and naked with all the perceived danger, but brings opportunity for true satisfying connection.
I choose to be brave and live without the mask.
I want to stand in the light and be seen as I am like the message in the song in the video below.
WHAT NOW
Watch this video and take courage to reach for true connection.
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Raw can be beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story and your strength. Well done. You’ve broken your chains by shedding your mask.
Thank you, Daphne!