When you hear the word trauma what comes to your mind? What about childhood trauma? Do you think that trauma is always obvious? I used to think that, until I learned the truth about trauma.
- Trauma is not an event, but an effect.
- Trauma is not the same for everyone, but deeply personal.
- Trauma gets worse when you ignore it.
- Trauma is not always obvious, but can be unconscious.
If you’re wondering how trauma can be unconscious you’re not alone. To understand better we’ll look at what trauma is by definition, and what unconscious really means. Then you’ll learn the top 10 things that cause childhood trauma, and the 10 most common ways people become traumatized.
Everyone suffers trauma of some degree in their lifetime, and many are unconscious of it.
DEFINING TRAUMA
As I said, trauma is not an event, but an effect. This mean it is not the fault of the one suffering from it.
Per the APA (American Psychological Association):
Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event. (emphasis mine)
Per the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration):
Individual trauma results from an even, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being. Trauma is the sum of the event, the experience, and the effect. (emphasis mine)
Per the ABS (American Bible Society)
Trauma is a deep wound of the heart and mind that takes a long time to heal. It hurts every part of us: our relationships, our bodies, our thoughts, and our faith.
Trauma is the result of an event, experience, situation, encounter, etc. It is based on a persons ability to cope, or not cope. Coping skills are subject to many factors like age, genetics, upbringing, situation, location, relational support, and more.
Trauma is invisible to the naked eye but is as real as cancer.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE UNCONSCIOUS
Speaking about the physical body, to be unconscious is to not be awake, or be passed out. Applying it to the mind, or the psyche it has a similar meaning.
Merriam Webster defines it:
- not knowing or perceiving : not aware
- free from self-awareness
- the part of mental life that does not ordinarily enter the individual’s awareness yet may influence behavior and perception or be revealed (as in slips of the tongue or in dreams)
To be unconscious of something is to be unaware, even when it’s effecting your life.
PUTTING THE TWO TOGETHER
Unconscious trauma is what your brain is doing when you’ve been traumatized but have not recognized it. It’s when you’ve dismissed it, instead of healing it.
Here is a fancy definition:
The human brain evolves as we grow up from childhood to adulthood, integrating experiences and memories. The brain will create or erase connections depending on what we live and learn. Our ability to release tension or move forward after a negative experience affects how the brain handles the situations that follow. This is unconscious trauma. Thus the subconscious memories of our experiences shape our behavior. Source
The first thing to do to heal of unconscious trauma is to shine the light of truth into your life. The second thing is to take ownership of the truth, address the trauma, and heal.
Becoming aware you have trauma empowers you to address it and heal.
Children are more susceptible to trauma than adults simply because they are children. Click To Tweet
THE TOP 10 CAUSES OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA*
Before we get into the list it’s important to remember:
- The ten situations listed are not the trauma, but the potential. Whether trauma occurred or not depends on coping skills, or lack of them, as well as if the child is given emotional support or not.
- A person suffering trauma is not to blame for the cause of their suffering. They are responsible for how they move forward after becoming aware.
- This list is not about blaming and shaming anyone. It’s about seeing the truth and empowering you for moving forward.
- If you are suffering, you can heal.
ONE
When your parent or caregiver has an addiction of any kind. Immediately the mind goes to drugs and alcohol. However it is much deeper than that. It can be an addiction to eating, gambling, hording, sex, tv watching, workaholism, porn, a hobby…
TWO
Verbal messages aimed at the child or witnessing them. Witnessing verbal fighting, or abuse. When there is a lack of saying I love you. Verbal messages are words that are said, and words that are not said. There can be good words but not enough of them – insufficient.
THREE
When a child is subjected to emotional abuse or neglect. This can be manipulation, isolation, gaslighting, being given the silent treatment, etc.
FOUR
When a child is subjected to physical abuse of any kind. Hitting, rape, sexual abuse, molestation. Anything that violates the boundary of their body.
FIVE
Abandonment that is emotional or physical. There are two kinds of abandonment. One is the parent or caregiver emotionally checked out, they are there but not there. For example preoccupied with their phone, watching sports, or whatever the parent is involved in personally apart from and ignoring the child. Also not showing up, always late, lying, not going to the child’s events. The other kind is not the fault of a parent or caregiver. This is when the child suffers loss of a parent or caregiver through death, deployment, work travel etc.
SIX
A child growing up with too many kids in the family. When a child is taken into foster care, bounced around in foster care, has a bad experience in foster care, or ages out of foster care. Also when a child has been adopted.
SEVEN
Personal trauma such as being bullied, standing out as different than others (too tall, too skinny, only one of that ethnicity…)
EIGHT
Sibling trauma. When a child has a medical problem and is either favored or the others are. Being bullied by a sibling. Being the golden child and having the pressure to live up to unreasonable expectations. Being the sibling of a golden child and therefore neglected or abused, or treated as a black sheep.
NINE
Community and family trauma. Pandemics such as covid. Natural disasters that effect an entire region, neighborhood, or family such as floods, fires, and hurricanes. Poverty, incarcerated parents, military.
TEN
Mental health problems in the parents. Things like personality disorder, narcissism, bi-polar, clinical depression.
Children are more susceptible to trauma than adults simply because they are children.
10 MOST COMMON CAUSES OF TRAUMA**
Adults can handle much more than children but when these things happen, trauma is a common result. This list is according to Barna Research.
- Death of a loved one
- Betrayal by someone you trust
- Domestic violence
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Watching someone die or being abused
- Near death experience or significant injury
- Major financial setback
- Job loss
- Divorce
Chances are you’ve been through one or more of the 20 situations listed above. What comes next is finding out if it’s affecting your life now and dealing with it.
WHAT NOW
Uncover hidden side-effects that are tripping you up.
Take ownership of your future by healing your unconscious trauma.
**Source
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