Making yourself do things you don’t feel like doing is referred to as self-discipline. So is making yourself stop doing bad things.
That must mean that self-discipline is good, right?
Not so fast. Self-discipline can be a good or a bad thing.
Perhaps you think I’ve lost my mind asking…
How in the world can self-discipline be a bad thing?
Easy.
Self-discipline is bad when it’s distorted and practiced without love.
DISTORTION
Many shy away from self-discipline because the term has a negative feeling. It produces a mental image of pain and suffering.
I understand. That used to be me. But I learned I was seeing it through a distorted lens,
This distorted lens robbed me of good things because when seen, and practiced properly, self-discipline is a very positive thing.
If you struggle with a negative concept of self-discipline maybe it’s for the same reason as me. My problem with the term self-discipline was found in my wrong perception of the words themselves—self and discipline.
A distorted understanding of self-discipline robs us of good.
THE SELF
Growing up I lacked a proper sense of self. I deferred my self to others. Authority figures were in charge so my self just did what it was told. Because of this, my self didn’t understand the power of choice.
At times when my self tried to emerge, to express a need, it was shamed into silence with the term selfish. This turned me against my self in destructive ways.
Later when my self tried to emerge again after returning to church, I was taught the self was crucified and disallowed. I was confused and silenced my self once again thinking I was doing a good Christian thing. This was not only wrong, but also destructive.
Finally, I learned the truth, my self got “wings”, and I emerged free to begin loving my self – because God loved me first.
God loves your self.
The self is who God made you to be and where He put your power of choice.
DISCIPLINE
The term discipline is defined in multiple ways but how I understood it was as punishment. So my concept of self-discipline was to punish my self into compliance to authority.
Many people apply self-discipline the same way – they punish themselves using fear and shame to make themselves do or stop doing things.
Treating yourself in this manner is not only bad, it’s actually a distortion of what true self-discipline is and the original meaning of the word.
The dictionary defines the verb form as punishment and training. However, the word discipline comes from the Latin word discipulus, which means: follower, disciple, student, pupil, trainee—not punishment.
The proper application of discipline is instruction using knowledge.
The proper application of discipline is instruction using knowledge. Click To Tweet
TRUTH BRINGS FREEDOM
Good self-discipline is to train not to punish. To discipline your self is to train your self without using shame or fear.
There are people who believe shame and fear are appropriate tools for training but God isn’t one of them, and neither am I. Instead God gives us the power to train ourselves with love.
The Bible says it this way:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
The truth is, love is much more powerful than fear or shame—God is love.
GOOD SELF-DISCIPLINE
Forcing ourselves to do (or stop doing) something because we should (fear & shame), using willpower alone, generally doesn’t last. It’s the reason many diets and exercise regimens fail.
Good self-discipline requires two things: Loving your self and a mindset shift.
Loving your self isn’t being self-centered. Loving your self is God-honoring. It’s seeing and honoring your inherent God-given value and caring about your wellbeing—spirit, soul (self) and body. This can be a mindset shift all by itself.
A destructive mindset is one that judges and then punishes the self as bad. This is evidenced by the words that come out of your mouth or start playing in your head.
Who you are and what you do are two different things.
Shift your mind from a judgment focus to benefit/reward focus.
For example, shift from:
I have to go on a diet and exercise because I’m fat, my clothes don’t fit and I don’t have any money to buy new ones.
To:
I want to change how I eat and be more active because it’ll make me feel better, and I’ll live longer.
Also, the best way to begin implementing good self-discipline is little by little. Love your self enough to start, start small enough so you will continue, and celebrate every victory.
We respond to loving self-discipline much better than punishment.
We respond to loving self-discipline much better than punishment. Click To Tweet
Little by little works very well.
It’s how I got from using two little 1 pound weights to two 20 pound weights.
WHAT NEXT
- How can you implement loving self-discipline in your life?
- Help for loving your self HERE
- Help for shifting your mindset HERE
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Hi Danielle, I definitely agree that loving self-discipline is much more effective than punishment! Also, whenever one of my goals has been for the sole purpose of proving myself to others, it’s always resulted in hurt and disappointment. That’s very impressive about your transformation in weight lifting! I’ve been lifting 8 pounders for months now and still struggle with every workout (although I typically only lift 2 times a week, at most, so maybe that’s the issue!).
Hi Kate!
It’s so good to hear from you.
Motive is so crucial. It not only affects how we feel, like you said, but it also affects our motivation. I cheer you on in your weight lifting goals.
I started my daily exercises and hand weights for the purpose of staying active and being healthy and strong. Little by little and consistency are powerful. In fact, I’m writing an article on that very thing.
Thanks for sharing!
This was what I needed. I struggled severely with discipline (self) and I feel you spoke about it spot on!
Wonderful!
It’s a pleasure to hear how my words have helped you!
Thank you for sharing.