Side effects from childhood trauma can be crippling. I know from experience because I suffered. I also know healing and freedom are possible—because.
The word because is an important part of my healing journey.
I’ll show you how because can lead you to your healing and freedom.
Because has a place it belongs.
BLAME
There’s a song by Kelly Clarkson called Because of You. It’s about the effects of childhood trauma. It reveals the side-effects of fear, inner vows to self-protect, emotional hiding and shame.
The first time I heard the song I saw I wasn’t the one to blame for the trauma in my childhood…
—because someone else was.
I blamed myself. This is what children do. This self-blame invalidated the trauma and kept me bound in a prison of pain.
Kelly’s song was a puzzle piece in my journey to healing.
Because of you is a cry of pain pointing the finger of blame at the one who caused it.
It’s a cry of anguish.
I knew that anguish but never had seen the blame outside of myself before.
Because of you took the blame from the inside of me where the pain lived and assigned it to another.
Thank you, Kelly.
Children are NOT to blame for their trauma.
Children are NOT to blame for their trauma. Click To Tweet
CAUSE
In my journey, some of the people who hurt me were malicious. Some were not. I tripped over the non-malicious ones.
Until the Spirit of Grace separated the human that was guilty of the action, from the action itself, and changed the focus to how it had affected my soul.
- Because.
- There was a cause.
- There was an effect.
Healing came into view as blame transformed into cause instead of judgment.
Judgment and blame became useless because the past can’t be changed. What happened cannot un-happen.
The cause can’t be removed but the effect can be healed.
HOW TO HEAL
Looking at and tending the soul wound apart from the person or the incident is tending to the effect. This is where healing happens.
For example, if someone gets pushed off a building and breaks a leg – where does the focus need to be? On the building? The ground they landed on? The person that pushed them off the building?
No. No. No. To heal, the focus must be on the wound – the broken bone.
The broken bone requires certain actions not only to heal but to heal properly. The bone must be set properly. It must be held in place by a cast and given time to heal. The pain must be comforted. And when the cast is removed there will still be more recovery. It’s a process.
Somehow this is obvious to us when it’s our physical bodies.
But when the wound is in our soul it’s easily minimized or dismissed. When this happens, as it often does, the trauma never heals properly and scars form. These scars are what cripple us because:
Scars have voices and secrets are not silent. These need to be resolved for us to be truly free. The simple “get over it”, “just stop that” or “it isn’t that bad” are insufficient. There needs to be validation and process to heal. – Danielle Bernock, Emerging With Wings
Our souls deserve the same loving care and attention that we give to our bodies.
Our souls deserve the same loving care and attention that we give to our bodies. Click To Tweet
A NEW YOU
The Spirit of Grace led me not only to freedom and healing, but blessings I didn’t know existed before my journey.
All because of Him.
These can be yours too.
I spend time every morning with the Spirit of Grace. The other morning as I was reading words in the Bible I read every day and those three words escaped my lips in thanksgiving.
When they did I saw a new you in Because of You.
But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence. He is like a tree planted along a riverbank, with its roots reaching deep into the water—a tree not bothered by the heat nor worried by long months of drought. Its leaves stay green, and it goes right on producing all its luscious fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8 TLB
All because of Him.
All the pain I’d known was because of the failings of people. All the good in my life is because of God who is love. Both are causative.
Now when I hear those three words Because of You I think of my God who is love and loves me, who healed my soul. I think of all He’s done in my life and all I have because of Him.
Blame may have a place in the process. But focusing on it will keep you trapped in your pain.
It doesn’t matter where you put the blame, it’ll become toxic if you hold onto it. Instead, identify the cause and tend to the effect – the wound. Choose to heal. Let go of blame and allow the Spirit of Grace to help you own your healing.
Become a new you by seeing a new you and let Love heal your soul.
Become a new you by seeing a new you and let Love heal your soul. Click To Tweet
WHAT NEXT
- Do you struggle with feeling unloved? Trauma does that to us. Leave me a comment so I can encourage you.
- Get Love’s Manifesto here and know how deeply you’re loved and begin healing.
- Get a copy of my book Emerging With Wings and be encouraged. here.
- Read my article Why Your Trauma Matters and What To Do About It.
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My heart bleeds for those who had to go through such terrible childhoods…I came from a happy, stable family and I always tell both my parents daily how grateful I am for them. Danielle, I can’t tell you enough how powerful your message is and all the good you’re doing. I always enjoy reading your message and can easily feel the positve energy coming through. Thank you.
Thank you so much, KD. I’m so happy to hear your childhood was wonderful and you communicate that to your parents frequently. I know I tried to make my children’s childhood wonderful. I was successful in some ways but not in others. I did the best I knew, they know that and hold no grudges-and for that, I’m so thankful. I’m so blessed as I see them raising their kids well. I’ve told them I see them improving on their generation as I improved on mine. My grandchildren know how deeply they’re loved and that means the world to me.
Thank you for your encouragement! It means a lot.
Hello Thankyou so much for writing these words they have really been helping me….
I have been suffering for far to many years living in my past and childhood traumas…. trying to take everything into my own hands and putting on every worldly definition of something that is wrong with me. I have used and let my past and anxiety define me. To a point where now it is so crippling and hard for me to even make decisions. Even though I have been angry at God and felt abandoned and want to give into my flesh to run away or disappear I know the Lord has so much more for me if I choose to step into it. Thankyou and God bless you
Oh Gracie, my heart hurts for you. I understand your pain, and yes, God does have so much more for you. I’m thankful that my words have helped you. Praying for you to take courage and begin to heal so you can know freedom and joy. Love you.