Christmas is a time of joy for some, but sorrow and loneliness for others. If you’re dealing with feeling lonely, you’re not alone. I’ve been there.
Many times, loneliness is brought on by a loss. But not always.
Loneliness isn’t only miserably painful, it’s also harmful for your health. But there’s hope. You don’t have to be miserable. Will you let me help?
- There are things you need to know that can empower you.
- There are things you can do to make your Christmas season less lonely and more merry.
There’s a way to deal with your feelings of loneliness.
There’s a way to deal with your feelings of loneliness. Click To TweetTHINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW
When you feel lonely, it feels like your emotions are telling you that you’re small, unimportant, unwanted…etc. It feels bad.
But the truth is, feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re a loser or not good enough.
Loneliness isn’t caused by being alone or having no friends. A person can have many friends and still feel lonely. Many people who are married deal with loneliness. I’ve been in the middle of a crowd, of people I know, and felt horribly lonely.
Loneliness is not an exterior issue.
It’s the feeling of social and/or emotional disconnection going on inside the soul.
Emotions are indicators telling us what’s going on inside us. But sometimes we hear them wrong. The feelings get filtered through our perceptions and experiences and sometimes we jump to wrong conclusions. I know I have.
What loneliness is really saying is, you have a need. And because the need is unmet at that moment, it’s painful. It needs to be met.
This means you have power to do something.
You can own your need and get it met.
You can own your need and get it met. Click To TweetTHINGS YOU CAN DO TO HAVE YOUR NEED MET
PICK YOURSELF
That header is a link to an article I wrote dealing with overcoming self-esteem issues. I wrestled with those for a long time until I learned how to pick myself.
Make a choice to do what’s good for you — connect with your needs and move in the direction to have them met.
Tell yourself that you matter, you’re loved, you’re wanted. Do it front of a mirror until you believe it.
Because you matter, don’t lock yourself away at home in seclusion. When you do that it’s easy to start feeling sorry for yourself. Self-pity breeds feeling lonely.
Choose to do things that combat the lonely thoughts — accept invitations to parties and events. Call a friend or family member and tell them how you’re feeling. Find events or activities in your area to attend.
Pick yourself because you matter.
Pick yourself because you matter. Click To TweetRECONNECT
Reconnect with an old friend or a family member you’ve lost touch with. Give them a call or send them a message via email or Facebook.
If you live close enough find a place to meet up face to face. Do lunch or grab a coffee together.
If distance is an issue technology can help with Skype, zoom, Face-Time and other video ways to connect. If you don’ have a computer, you can go to a local library to use one.
Reconnecting might just be what you both need to overcome loneliness.
Reconnecting might just be what you both need to overcome loneliness. Click To TweetMAKE NEW CONNECTIONS
If you’ve suffered loss or needed to disconnect from toxic people in your life you need some new healthy connections.
Find ways to be around new people.
Go to a tree lighting celebration. Walk around the mall or sit and watch people.
You could go to a coffee shop, visit a church, or find a local group that interests you on meetup.com.
Making new connections can be very exciting.
Making new connections can be very exciting. Click To TweetVOLUNTEER
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people. It not only puts you in a new place meeting new people, but you have a job to do so there’s no awkward standing around twiddling your thumbs.
Volunteer at a school, a church, a hospital, or even in your neighborhood.
Many charitable organizations can use extra help at this time of year. Give them a call or go online.
Find a cause you believe in and look for ways to volunteer.
Find a cause you believe in and look for ways to volunteer. Click To TweetGIVE SOMETHING
Giving to others and putting a smile on their face not only makes us happy, it creates a connection.
It doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive. It just needs to be genuine.
It could be something as small as a Christmas card given to a neighbor, the mail carrier or anyone else you see frequently.
It could be a simple as a compliment to your waitress or someone you see at the grocery store.
When you give something to someone else you give joy, and it comes back to you.
When you give something to someone else you give joy, and it comes back to you. Click To TweetGET HELP
If all the things listed above aren’t doing it for you there’s a reason. Sometimes loneliness is overwhelming because it has deep roots.
Dealing with deep roots, inner wounds and trauma are better done with help.
There’s no shame in getting help. I got help.
Getting help provides a connection within your healing process and connection is the very thing that loneliness needs.
Loneliness is not an exterior issue. Click To TweetWHAT NOW
What did you find helpful?
- Taking care of yourself is important — free gift to help you here.
- Know how much you’re loved with Love’s Manifesto.
- If you’re needing a counselor, here is a good website.
- If the misery is too much and you’re considering ending it please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline — Call 1–800–273–8255
You Matter!
DARE to BELIEVE it!
Here is a free tool to help you understand your true worth.
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So many great points. I particularly agree that you need to give joy to others in order to experience joy for yourself. I think this also applies to relationships. I’ve discovered that usually when I’m feeling lonely and disconnected, I need to meet the other person halfway. Nobody’s a mindreader!
Thank you, Kate.
Giving is such a powerful tool no matter what a person is giving.
And you’re right – nobody is a mindreader. Being able to communicate our need is important.
I had to learn how to do that. I used to be a hider wishing for a mindreader, although I didn’t see it that way back then. I just knew my pain. I had to learn it was ok to have needs. I just “graduated” from counseling this past week where that is one of the things I dealt with.
Thank you for sharing, Kate!